you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
