Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
