Can i not drive my cunt home
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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