I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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