Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
