So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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