He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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