Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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