I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
