sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
