Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
