p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
