Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize