Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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