i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize