I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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