i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
