I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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