I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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