I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
