my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
