my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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