does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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