THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
