"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
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The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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