someone get that fucking seahorse.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
