bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
