Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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