Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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