..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
