Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
