I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
