i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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