Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
