everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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