I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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