I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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