i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
