You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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