i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
