a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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