Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
