Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
