Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
