Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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