There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
