Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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