I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize