I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
