I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
