As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
