Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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