Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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