No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
