I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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