google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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