i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
