In America we eat man semen.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
