It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
